The MTA can go fuck itself

Today was 98 degrees in NYC. There was also an ungodly amount of humidity which made it feel like 189 degrees (obviously a gross exaggeration but I am sure some ass bag might think I am serious).  For those unfamiliar with 98 degree days in New York, let me sum it up for you.  It fucking sucks on such a massive scale that I want to roundhouse kick myself right in the fucking face.  Imagine walking out of your apartment, which is the size of a closet and on a mild slant, with no working gas lines, and a wall that crumbles for no particular reason whatsoever.  Now, imagine walking out of this amazingly zen environment into a legitimate fucking sauna. Not a sauna with wood benches, towels, and a crisp pool waiting to cool your saggy ass down once you decide to stop abusing yourself with these bullshit ideas that sweating in a room with a bunch of other fucking assholes is somehow going to make your lame ass any cooler or more healthy than you already are.  It makes about as much sense as the asshole who goes to the gym everyday for hours on end, doing all sorts of fucking buffoonery like lunges, squats or whatever else some fucking ridiculous she/he like Jillian Michaels deems worthy at the moment,  only to have a cigarette as soon as he/she walks out the front door.  Genius.  Absolutely fucking genius.  Why even bother? Its like being a bulimic.  Give your body something it needs, something that is relies on to perform and function and than SNAP! take it away like some bullshit magic trick like that creepy fuck David Blaine does on street magic, that is, when he is not living in a box or a water ball or whatever stupid shit he does these days.  I am convinced he is peeping tom.  Nobody has a stare like that who isn't doing some questionable shit like watching people pee or something.  Fucking whacko. Wouldnt it be awesome if he and Chris Angel had a Harry Potter-esque magic-off and just made each other turn into some 80 year old mans fleshlight? Or maybe they challenged each other to a breath holding contest in the Atlantic and were bother torn to pieces by hungry schools of hammerhead sharks? We can hope...

Anyway, the MTA. What the fuck is wrong with this fucking shit pile organization? Why cant these morons get anything right? How is it possible that in the 10 years I have lived in New York, despite all their "quality improvement", things have only got worse?  The price keeps going up, and the service keeps going down.  By going down I don't me a gradual decline.  I mean it has fallen of the tallest fucking cliff in existence and is slowly approaching its terminal velocity.  Is it possible for the MTA to get any worse? I honestly don't think it is.  Every day I go to work I see a fucking 3rd grade collage of posters telling me, and lets be honest, how fucked I am.  This train isn't running till the fucking winter, this train rhymes with orange so it cant be used, this train doesnt stop at this station until Febtober, etc, etc.  What the fuck! I would much rather read, "Hey, fuck face, this train isn't running because the greedy filth cunts who run this organization don't give a flying fuck about you and your bullshit service-based job.  Have fun sweating your middle class ass off in the piss/diarrhea stink of the A train platform, bitch!" I feel like people would at least say to themselves, "yeah, sounds about right" rather than, "gee gosh darn, these guys work so hard to improve things for me, wish they could get more help to improve my commute! Mayor Bloomberg, you are a real steed!" I would love nothing more than to see Mayor Bloomberg and all this MTA anal leakage dick slapped to death by Peter North and Ron Jeremy.  I am one of the lucky assholes out there who can take 4 trains to work.  This sounds pretty awesome and one would think I would never have a problem getting a train.  These fuckers would be wrong.  Very wrong.  You would think that since I am able to take 4 trains to work I would be golden, never have to wait and, at any moment, board a nice, air conditioned train.  Instead, I find myself regularly waiting for 15-20 minutes for a train due to "rail service" or some other cunt excuse.  And, when the train comes, it is usually filled with people who are as pissed of as me because they have be waiting eons, German tourists who have memorized ever page of their stupid Fodors guide (generally the hip pack, camera, and 9 foot tall surly teens in town give them away) and a few, select individuals who smell like rotten falafal.  The AC generally isn't on high enough so those sweat beads that have started to accumulate or you ass are now moistening your underwear, which is awesome.  Nothing like a good case of swamp ass to start the day! I have also noticed the trains move about as fast as pube growth on an pre-teen.  Even the fucking "express" trains are like watching a foot race at a retirement facility.  I love how the automated voice tells me to please be patient.  It makes me want to find the guy who recorded the voice and rip his larynx out with my bare hands.  Don't tell me to be patient.  Move the fucking train.  I don't care if you have to run over some workers on the track, fuck em! If those assholes cant hear the train coming, they deserve to be servicing the subway in the afterlife! Also, I keep reading adds on the trains for these signs that notify riders when the next train is coming and all that happy horse shit.  Has anyone seen these fucking things? I have never seen one of these fuckers and I pass a shit ton or REALLY busy subway stops like Penn Station , Port Authority, Union Square, etc.  Where are these fucking things? You would think locations like Penn Station and Union Square would definitely have them, right? Nope! Fuck you! That would make sense! This is the MTA where nothing makes sense.  The MTA, where at any moment your express train can go local, causing you to try and kill yourself with a Dr. Zizmor dermatology add or try and cut your own head off on those Ginsu fucking doors that would be more than happy to cut you in half if need be.  I think the MTA stands for "Might Take Awhile" or "Maybe Try Another way" or "Fuck you in the Face!" That last one just made sense... Also, lets not forget the fact that the subway unlimited card is $104 dollars a month.  Can someone please explain to me where this money is going? Is it paying for those filthy, useless shits who I see waddling around the stations doing nothing? Is it paying for all those extra trains that don't come? Usually when you pay more for something, your get more.  Let's look at a similar shithole pile of filth establishment, McDonald's.  If you go into a McDonald's and order a regular #2 meal, they will give you two cheeseburgers, a medium fry, and a medium soda. Now, if you are intent of getting dysentery and a heart condition, you can make the meal larger and get a larger fry and a larger drink for about a dollar or so extra.  So, in this instance, you pay more, but you get more.  NOT THE CASE WITH THE MTA! The cost of a monthly metro card is fucking insane! And, lets remember who takes the subway.  Its the poor and middle class sniffling shits! The people who cant afford to take a cab to work every day.  The people who live in the middle of fucking nowhere Queens and need to get to work! Its not Muffy and Chad who have Jorge to take them to the yacht club for the mid morning cocktail and botox injection! Its people like you and me who have to serve Muffy and Chad their egg-white omlets and asparagus salad with a side order of doucebag entitlement!

I am tired and covered in sweat.  I need to shower and no longer feel like ranting.  Fear not, almost everything pisses me off so I will be  back soon with something else that pisses me off to the point where I have to write it down.  Until then, Fuck the MTA and the limp-dicked shit-for-brains assholes who run it.  I am not going to proof read this because I simply don't give a shit.