Reality TV fucking sucks. It doesn't just suck on a basic level like men who wear socks with sandals and women who hit you in the ankles with their fucking baby carriages, carrying their ugly, shit-stinking offspring. It is everything that is wrong with America rolled into one, fucking filthy, disgusting, selfish, cunt-ridden package. Lets take a look at one of the worst fucking families in the entire world. A family who whores themselves out in ways that make even me cringe. A family full of ingrates, whores, morons, alcoholics, pussies, and plastic surgery. A family whos combined IQ is probably somewhere around the number of pubes on an 8 year old. You might be asking yourself who this steaming pile of diarrhea is, who could be this bad? The Fucking Kardashians.
For those of you have have not yet seen their wonderfully intelligent and challenging drama, do yourself a favor...don't. It is terrible. No, its fucking beyond terrible. It might be the single worst show that has ever been on television. Think about that statement. I am comparing this to shows like super market sweep, days of our lives, and fox news. How did the Kardashians rise to fame? Their lovely balloon-assed daughter, Kim. Now, you are probably thinking to yourself, "Kim must be a singer or an actress if they offered her a TV show". This is where you would be very wrong. Kim's claim to fame isn't a hit single or a leading roll in a hollywood block buster, it was a sex tape. A fucking sex tape. She, a bratty daughter of a high profile lawyer who helped defend one of the most obvious murderers of all time, was penetrated repeatedly from a football player on a home video. Classy. The E network, in their infinite wisdom and good taste, decided to offer this bucket of discharge and her family of Carney's a TV show. I know when I get home from a shitty day at work and want to relax and be entertained, I cant think of anything better than to watch a reality tv show about a family of nobodies who are filthy rich crying about how hard their lives are. These people, who had an annual income last year of over 65 million dollars, spend the majority of their show talking about how hard they have it and how difficult it is to be them. It makes you wonder if a god does exist, and, if he/she does, why they don't strike them down in an apocalyptic fashion.
The other day I watched an episode with my girlfriend. I am not proud of this but sometimes you need to pretend to be up on current events and culture so people don't think you are too far gone and misanthropic. Anyhow, this one particular episode was about whore-filth Kim learning that she has psoriasis. She then spent the rest of the episode shrieking at her mother and cursing her for passing on this terrible affliction via her genes. Mind you we are talking about psoriasis, not cancer or sickle cell anemia. Psoriasis, a common non life threatening skin disorder. this pile of cellulite and non-talent decided she is too pretty and too famous to have a simple hereditary skin condition. Only poor people get those. She spent the entire episode whining about how her career could be ruined by this "devastating" problem. There are two problems with this statement. The first is the use of the word career. Now, Mirriam-Webster defines career as, "a profession for which one trains and which is undertaken as a permanent calling". Not sure what training our dear kim has done other than get pumped by a few famous people on candid camera. The other problem is calling a few red marks on your skin a devastating problem. A devastating problem is a 6 year old child born with Leukemia, who spends their life stuck in a hospital, unable to play with friends or a soldier coming home to live life after having the lower half of his fucking body blow off by a road side bomb. Having minor red marks on the fat ham hocks you call legs, is pretty far from devastating. But that's just it. That is what this show and this family are all about. This is what people all over the world think Americans are like. They think we are all rich, whinny whores who have no real problems and cry when we take a shit and have to wipe our own ass. No wonder the rest of the world hates the US. I would too if I lived in Zamunda and saw this shit on my TV.
Now, its not just the kardashian family that is pollution television. They are only one example. The reality tv craze took off and did so well that they are now the only fucking shows on tv. and, its seems like these tv executives will give a reality show to almost anybody capable of forming a questionable sentence and drinking so much they get into a fight and piss themselves. I mean for christ sake, flava flav and brett michaels had reality tv shows. I was wondering the other day just how many reality shows are ruining tv these days. I decided to try and get a round figure and was hit with something that nearly made me shit directly in my pants. This website (http://www.realitytvworld.com/realitytvworld/allshows.shtml) gives an alphabetized list of all the reality shows out there at the moment. It seems to be several HUNDRED. SEVERAL FUCKING HUNDRED!!! are you kidding me? There are cooking shows, dating shows, singing shows, dancing shows, weight loss shows, shows about picking out a dress, show about building houses, shows about picking through trash, show about hoarding, shows about fishing, shows about baby beauty pageants! There are literally shows about anything you can possibly imagine, and then some. Its is literally cancer for the television. It keeps spreading all over and is impossible to stop. It feeds on the stupidity of the viewers and grows bigger and stronger until it begins to spread to new networks. It is so bad these days that people are know as "reality tv stars". I will repeat that, "reality tv stars". It almost makes you want to gag a little bit when you say it. Is there anything more pathetic that hearing "and now please welcome, star of the reality show kate plus her brood of psychologically damaged spawn to the show!" Now, there are shows out there sending messages that are so fucked up, even i find myself shocked from time to time. Shows like teen mom, a show about 14 year old or similarly aged kids who have children of their own and the challenges they face. Are you fucking kidding me? These little redneck/ghetto twats are becoming famous for this shit? Unreal. people who shouldn't even be allowed to breed in the first place are having children by age 14. Way to go America, way to send a solid message to the youth of today. Be an irresponsible jack off and maybe you too can be famous and get on a tv show. I mean its so bad that there are tv shows about child beauty pageants. Generally when you think about beauty pageants, you think about miss America and miss universe. Contests that measure something I cant really figure out but something nonetheless. The contestants are generally in their 20's and can at least form coherent thoughts and do some shit that resembles some brain function to accomplish. However, on the child beauty pageant shows, 6 year old children dress up like creepy fucking dolls and do weird and perverse dance routines. They are asked questions by the "judges" and are required to answer them to the best of their abilities. The adults in these show make me want to lock the doors to my home and by a fucking tazer. They are not just odd, they are demented. they treat their children like the are living barbie dolls. they spray tan their 6 year old children and force them to learn ridiculous creepy dance routines. if that isn't child abuse i don't know what is. The worst part of the show are the "judges". what kind of a fucking turd-burglar, pedophile, panty sniffer, diddling bag of shit do you have to be to be a judge of a 6 year old beauty pageant? Just google child beauty pageants and be amazed.
Its really pretty impossible to tackle this entire catastrophe in one rant so I am going to quit here, obviously without doing a check of any kind. perhaps a part two will come
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The MTA can go fuck itself
Today was 98 degrees in NYC. There was also an ungodly amount of humidity which made it feel like 189 degrees (obviously a gross exaggeration but I am sure some ass bag might think I am serious). For those unfamiliar with 98 degree days in New York, let me sum it up for you. It fucking sucks on such a massive scale that I want to roundhouse kick myself right in the fucking face. Imagine walking out of your apartment, which is the size of a closet and on a mild slant, with no working gas lines, and a wall that crumbles for no particular reason whatsoever. Now, imagine walking out of this amazingly zen environment into a legitimate fucking sauna. Not a sauna with wood benches, towels, and a crisp pool waiting to cool your saggy ass down once you decide to stop abusing yourself with these bullshit ideas that sweating in a room with a bunch of other fucking assholes is somehow going to make your lame ass any cooler or more healthy than you already are. It makes about as much sense as the asshole who goes to the gym everyday for hours on end, doing all sorts of fucking buffoonery like lunges, squats or whatever else some fucking ridiculous she/he like Jillian Michaels deems worthy at the moment, only to have a cigarette as soon as he/she walks out the front door. Genius. Absolutely fucking genius. Why even bother? Its like being a bulimic. Give your body something it needs, something that is relies on to perform and function and than SNAP! take it away like some bullshit magic trick like that creepy fuck David Blaine does on street magic, that is, when he is not living in a box or a water ball or whatever stupid shit he does these days. I am convinced he is peeping tom. Nobody has a stare like that who isn't doing some questionable shit like watching people pee or something. Fucking whacko. Wouldnt it be awesome if he and Chris Angel had a Harry Potter-esque magic-off and just made each other turn into some 80 year old mans fleshlight? Or maybe they challenged each other to a breath holding contest in the Atlantic and were bother torn to pieces by hungry schools of hammerhead sharks? We can hope...
Anyway, the MTA. What the fuck is wrong with this fucking shit pile organization? Why cant these morons get anything right? How is it possible that in the 10 years I have lived in New York, despite all their "quality improvement", things have only got worse? The price keeps going up, and the service keeps going down. By going down I don't me a gradual decline. I mean it has fallen of the tallest fucking cliff in existence and is slowly approaching its terminal velocity. Is it possible for the MTA to get any worse? I honestly don't think it is. Every day I go to work I see a fucking 3rd grade collage of posters telling me, and lets be honest, how fucked I am. This train isn't running till the fucking winter, this train rhymes with orange so it cant be used, this train doesnt stop at this station until Febtober, etc, etc. What the fuck! I would much rather read, "Hey, fuck face, this train isn't running because the greedy filth cunts who run this organization don't give a flying fuck about you and your bullshit service-based job. Have fun sweating your middle class ass off in the piss/diarrhea stink of the A train platform, bitch!" I feel like people would at least say to themselves, "yeah, sounds about right" rather than, "gee gosh darn, these guys work so hard to improve things for me, wish they could get more help to improve my commute! Mayor Bloomberg, you are a real steed!" I would love nothing more than to see Mayor Bloomberg and all this MTA anal leakage dick slapped to death by Peter North and Ron Jeremy. I am one of the lucky assholes out there who can take 4 trains to work. This sounds pretty awesome and one would think I would never have a problem getting a train. These fuckers would be wrong. Very wrong. You would think that since I am able to take 4 trains to work I would be golden, never have to wait and, at any moment, board a nice, air conditioned train. Instead, I find myself regularly waiting for 15-20 minutes for a train due to "rail service" or some other cunt excuse. And, when the train comes, it is usually filled with people who are as pissed of as me because they have be waiting eons, German tourists who have memorized ever page of their stupid Fodors guide (generally the hip pack, camera, and 9 foot tall surly teens in town give them away) and a few, select individuals who smell like rotten falafal. The AC generally isn't on high enough so those sweat beads that have started to accumulate or you ass are now moistening your underwear, which is awesome. Nothing like a good case of swamp ass to start the day! I have also noticed the trains move about as fast as pube growth on an pre-teen. Even the fucking "express" trains are like watching a foot race at a retirement facility. I love how the automated voice tells me to please be patient. It makes me want to find the guy who recorded the voice and rip his larynx out with my bare hands. Don't tell me to be patient. Move the fucking train. I don't care if you have to run over some workers on the track, fuck em! If those assholes cant hear the train coming, they deserve to be servicing the subway in the afterlife! Also, I keep reading adds on the trains for these signs that notify riders when the next train is coming and all that happy horse shit. Has anyone seen these fucking things? I have never seen one of these fuckers and I pass a shit ton or REALLY busy subway stops like Penn Station , Port Authority, Union Square, etc. Where are these fucking things? You would think locations like Penn Station and Union Square would definitely have them, right? Nope! Fuck you! That would make sense! This is the MTA where nothing makes sense. The MTA, where at any moment your express train can go local, causing you to try and kill yourself with a Dr. Zizmor dermatology add or try and cut your own head off on those Ginsu fucking doors that would be more than happy to cut you in half if need be. I think the MTA stands for "Might Take Awhile" or "Maybe Try Another way" or "Fuck you in the Face!" That last one just made sense... Also, lets not forget the fact that the subway unlimited card is $104 dollars a month. Can someone please explain to me where this money is going? Is it paying for those filthy, useless shits who I see waddling around the stations doing nothing? Is it paying for all those extra trains that don't come? Usually when you pay more for something, your get more. Let's look at a similar shithole pile of filth establishment, McDonald's. If you go into a McDonald's and order a regular #2 meal, they will give you two cheeseburgers, a medium fry, and a medium soda. Now, if you are intent of getting dysentery and a heart condition, you can make the meal larger and get a larger fry and a larger drink for about a dollar or so extra. So, in this instance, you pay more, but you get more. NOT THE CASE WITH THE MTA! The cost of a monthly metro card is fucking insane! And, lets remember who takes the subway. Its the poor and middle class sniffling shits! The people who cant afford to take a cab to work every day. The people who live in the middle of fucking nowhere Queens and need to get to work! Its not Muffy and Chad who have Jorge to take them to the yacht club for the mid morning cocktail and botox injection! Its people like you and me who have to serve Muffy and Chad their egg-white omlets and asparagus salad with a side order of doucebag entitlement!
I am tired and covered in sweat. I need to shower and no longer feel like ranting. Fear not, almost everything pisses me off so I will be back soon with something else that pisses me off to the point where I have to write it down. Until then, Fuck the MTA and the limp-dicked shit-for-brains assholes who run it. I am not going to proof read this because I simply don't give a shit.
Anyway, the MTA. What the fuck is wrong with this fucking shit pile organization? Why cant these morons get anything right? How is it possible that in the 10 years I have lived in New York, despite all their "quality improvement", things have only got worse? The price keeps going up, and the service keeps going down. By going down I don't me a gradual decline. I mean it has fallen of the tallest fucking cliff in existence and is slowly approaching its terminal velocity. Is it possible for the MTA to get any worse? I honestly don't think it is. Every day I go to work I see a fucking 3rd grade collage of posters telling me, and lets be honest, how fucked I am. This train isn't running till the fucking winter, this train rhymes with orange so it cant be used, this train doesnt stop at this station until Febtober, etc, etc. What the fuck! I would much rather read, "Hey, fuck face, this train isn't running because the greedy filth cunts who run this organization don't give a flying fuck about you and your bullshit service-based job. Have fun sweating your middle class ass off in the piss/diarrhea stink of the A train platform, bitch!" I feel like people would at least say to themselves, "yeah, sounds about right" rather than, "gee gosh darn, these guys work so hard to improve things for me, wish they could get more help to improve my commute! Mayor Bloomberg, you are a real steed!" I would love nothing more than to see Mayor Bloomberg and all this MTA anal leakage dick slapped to death by Peter North and Ron Jeremy. I am one of the lucky assholes out there who can take 4 trains to work. This sounds pretty awesome and one would think I would never have a problem getting a train. These fuckers would be wrong. Very wrong. You would think that since I am able to take 4 trains to work I would be golden, never have to wait and, at any moment, board a nice, air conditioned train. Instead, I find myself regularly waiting for 15-20 minutes for a train due to "rail service" or some other cunt excuse. And, when the train comes, it is usually filled with people who are as pissed of as me because they have be waiting eons, German tourists who have memorized ever page of their stupid Fodors guide (generally the hip pack, camera, and 9 foot tall surly teens in town give them away) and a few, select individuals who smell like rotten falafal. The AC generally isn't on high enough so those sweat beads that have started to accumulate or you ass are now moistening your underwear, which is awesome. Nothing like a good case of swamp ass to start the day! I have also noticed the trains move about as fast as pube growth on an pre-teen. Even the fucking "express" trains are like watching a foot race at a retirement facility. I love how the automated voice tells me to please be patient. It makes me want to find the guy who recorded the voice and rip his larynx out with my bare hands. Don't tell me to be patient. Move the fucking train. I don't care if you have to run over some workers on the track, fuck em! If those assholes cant hear the train coming, they deserve to be servicing the subway in the afterlife! Also, I keep reading adds on the trains for these signs that notify riders when the next train is coming and all that happy horse shit. Has anyone seen these fucking things? I have never seen one of these fuckers and I pass a shit ton or REALLY busy subway stops like Penn Station , Port Authority, Union Square, etc. Where are these fucking things? You would think locations like Penn Station and Union Square would definitely have them, right? Nope! Fuck you! That would make sense! This is the MTA where nothing makes sense. The MTA, where at any moment your express train can go local, causing you to try and kill yourself with a Dr. Zizmor dermatology add or try and cut your own head off on those Ginsu fucking doors that would be more than happy to cut you in half if need be. I think the MTA stands for "Might Take Awhile" or "Maybe Try Another way" or "Fuck you in the Face!" That last one just made sense... Also, lets not forget the fact that the subway unlimited card is $104 dollars a month. Can someone please explain to me where this money is going? Is it paying for those filthy, useless shits who I see waddling around the stations doing nothing? Is it paying for all those extra trains that don't come? Usually when you pay more for something, your get more. Let's look at a similar shithole pile of filth establishment, McDonald's. If you go into a McDonald's and order a regular #2 meal, they will give you two cheeseburgers, a medium fry, and a medium soda. Now, if you are intent of getting dysentery and a heart condition, you can make the meal larger and get a larger fry and a larger drink for about a dollar or so extra. So, in this instance, you pay more, but you get more. NOT THE CASE WITH THE MTA! The cost of a monthly metro card is fucking insane! And, lets remember who takes the subway. Its the poor and middle class sniffling shits! The people who cant afford to take a cab to work every day. The people who live in the middle of fucking nowhere Queens and need to get to work! Its not Muffy and Chad who have Jorge to take them to the yacht club for the mid morning cocktail and botox injection! Its people like you and me who have to serve Muffy and Chad their egg-white omlets and asparagus salad with a side order of doucebag entitlement!
I am tired and covered in sweat. I need to shower and no longer feel like ranting. Fear not, almost everything pisses me off so I will be back soon with something else that pisses me off to the point where I have to write it down. Until then, Fuck the MTA and the limp-dicked shit-for-brains assholes who run it. I am not going to proof read this because I simply don't give a shit.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
foot tattoos fucking suck
Summer is here. Actually summer is more than halfway fucking over, which sucks a considerable amount. Soon I will be freezing my sub 5'9" ass on the urine stained streets of new york yet again. Does anything suck more than winter? Well, i suppose a 95 degree day with full humidity sucks an equal amount of wang. Nothing makes your feel more disgusting than walking out of a nice air conditioned building onto the streets of New York, which, in the hot summer, smell like honey mixed with fresh diarrhea. Unbelievable. Having sweat beads drip down your anus is also hardly ideal. Yeah summer in the city is a real treat.
Anyway, Foot tattoos. What the fuck are these? Now that people are wearing sandals and flip flops again (which are fucking terrible in and of themselves, especially those fucking gladiators...) i have noticed an abundance of foot tattoos. Why on the foot? That might be the lamest place to get a tattoo ever. I think i respect a barbed wire tattoo around a bicep more than this fucking garbage. Nothing says chicken shit like a foot tattoo. I have seen them on every type of women out there, even banker chicks. I saw a lady walk out of an office building wearing a pretty decent looking business suit fucking thing with a rosary tattoo on her foot. What could you possibly be thinking putting this shit on your foot permanently? What is the point? Why the foot? Why not your arm or or something that shows some damn commitment? Its not cute, its lame. It makes you look like a pussy, a fucking ridiculous sorority chick who got "wasted" one night and decided to be a "rebel" and do something "crazy". Dick. Its a shame you didn't do something crazy like throw yourself off a building or in front of a train... I have yet to see one a guy. However, if I do, I might have no choice but to beat him to death with whatever I can get my hands on at the moment or, at the very least, verbally abuse him. Its already bad enough having to look at peoples filthy feet all day in the summer. Honestly, if you have busted ass feet, put some fucking shoes on. Don't make people have to stare at you Frodo Baggins looking filth all day. Crooked ass toes and nappy cracking heels...Vomit on a small child. Please, for the love of all that is fucking holy, if you have nasty feet, don't wear sandals!!! Adding a tattoo doesn't make matters better! it doesn't distract viewers from noticing you have only 4 1/2 toes or nappy, crusty nail polish! I am gonna leave it at that because talking about feet is and foot tattoos is pissing me off. Until next time...
Nicole's note: If you are Kamilla, this does not apply to you.
Anyway, Foot tattoos. What the fuck are these? Now that people are wearing sandals and flip flops again (which are fucking terrible in and of themselves, especially those fucking gladiators...) i have noticed an abundance of foot tattoos. Why on the foot? That might be the lamest place to get a tattoo ever. I think i respect a barbed wire tattoo around a bicep more than this fucking garbage. Nothing says chicken shit like a foot tattoo. I have seen them on every type of women out there, even banker chicks. I saw a lady walk out of an office building wearing a pretty decent looking business suit fucking thing with a rosary tattoo on her foot. What could you possibly be thinking putting this shit on your foot permanently? What is the point? Why the foot? Why not your arm or or something that shows some damn commitment? Its not cute, its lame. It makes you look like a pussy, a fucking ridiculous sorority chick who got "wasted" one night and decided to be a "rebel" and do something "crazy". Dick. Its a shame you didn't do something crazy like throw yourself off a building or in front of a train... I have yet to see one a guy. However, if I do, I might have no choice but to beat him to death with whatever I can get my hands on at the moment or, at the very least, verbally abuse him. Its already bad enough having to look at peoples filthy feet all day in the summer. Honestly, if you have busted ass feet, put some fucking shoes on. Don't make people have to stare at you Frodo Baggins looking filth all day. Crooked ass toes and nappy cracking heels...Vomit on a small child. Please, for the love of all that is fucking holy, if you have nasty feet, don't wear sandals!!! Adding a tattoo doesn't make matters better! it doesn't distract viewers from noticing you have only 4 1/2 toes or nappy, crusty nail polish! I am gonna leave it at that because talking about feet is and foot tattoos is pissing me off. Until next time...
Nicole's note: If you are Kamilla, this does not apply to you.
Monday, August 23, 2010
stop smiling
Positive people suck. i find overly positive people about as fun to be around as old relatives, mothball stink and all. nothing is worse than a chipper asshole getting in the way of brooding. you know the dickheads i am talking about. the peppy, super-energetic, tan jerk-offs who, at 6:30am, are on the subway with you while you are trying to prepare yourself for the unbelievable bag of suck that is work, bopping their impeccably gelled hair to justin bieber. its almost enough to make you want to shove them off the platform. why are they so happy? what the fuck are they smiling at all the time? nobody is that happy. you hear them talking to their other happy-fuck friends who are probably on the other end of the phone smiling a lot, annoying someone else like me next to them. sometimes, although not nearly as frequently as it was when i was still an amateur brooder, one of these clown-faced assholes would come up to me and tell me to smile. oh my god. the worst thing ever. its bad enough i have to be in the same vicinity as you and your smiling ass, but for you to assume we are friendly enough that you can give me advice, is ludicrous. dont push your power of positive thinking shit on me. keep your jovial devilry to yourself, its getting in the way of my brooding.
perhaps i am being too hard on these happy few. but, someone has to step in and set some boundaries. i think there should be rules for self expression. for instance, no smiling before 8 am. i think this is fair. anytime before that is unreasonable. i dont want to see someone having a great time at 6am on the way to work. unacceptable. i believe if there is even the slightest hint of a smile before 8am, you should be given some sort of ticket, or maybe just a smack. maybe you should be denied your morning coffee to put you on the level of the normal, miserable people. early morning happiness is about as bad as a mustache, which, just in case your are wondering, i will discuss at a later date. there is a lot more i have to say about these happy-go-lucky miscreants, but i am forced by my student loans to go an earn my meager dollars. until next time...
perhaps i am being too hard on these happy few. but, someone has to step in and set some boundaries. i think there should be rules for self expression. for instance, no smiling before 8 am. i think this is fair. anytime before that is unreasonable. i dont want to see someone having a great time at 6am on the way to work. unacceptable. i believe if there is even the slightest hint of a smile before 8am, you should be given some sort of ticket, or maybe just a smack. maybe you should be denied your morning coffee to put you on the level of the normal, miserable people. early morning happiness is about as bad as a mustache, which, just in case your are wondering, i will discuss at a later date. there is a lot more i have to say about these happy-go-lucky miscreants, but i am forced by my student loans to go an earn my meager dollars. until next time...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)